


Letters to Yui

by cruellae (tinkabelladk)



Category: Xenogears
Genre: F/M, LOTS OF SPOILERS, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 09:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11941587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinkabelladk/pseuds/cruellae
Summary: These are the letters I imagine Citan might have sent to Yui while he was off having adventures. I imagine them as deeply in love despite circumstance and divided loyalties. This is a lot of filling in the blanks left by the game, so no promises to be 100% true to the existing lore. Also, there will be tons of spoilers.





	1. Chapter 1

_Dearest,_

_I have entrusted this letter to your father, and I hope that it finds you well. We have made it as far as Dazil. Here, the wind carries the sand with it, and though the direction frequently changes, it always seems to be blowing into our eyes. The city is squat and frankly, rather unattractive. Its sole purpose seems to be as a hub for excavation teams, searching for technology lost in the desert thousands of years ago._

_On our journey through the Black Moon Forest, we came upon a Solaris Special Forces officer. She’s the one responsible for the attack on Lahan, though she seems to feel true remorse for the destruction caused. I could not sense any malice in her, just the naiveté and ignorance that characterizes so many Solarians. She knows nothing of the -Lambs-, and was surprised to find that Fei was as human as she herself. She and Fei seemed to have an instant connection, and when I found him, he was about to give his life to save her._

_Even so, I could not allow her to remain with us. A Solarian officer is conspicuous enough, and her true allegiance is impossible to determine. Knowing nothing of my plans or mission, she might give us away, intentionally or not. Fei seemed to dip into melancholy the morning he awoke to find her gone, and hasn’t recovered. Surely the destruction of Lahan weighs heavily on his shoulders. I wish I could ease his burden._

_After much study, I have come to the conclusion that Fei and ‘he’, the demon of Elru, are two separate beings, and should be treated as such. Perhaps one day they will merge again, but I find the possibility of his mind healing to be hopelessly remote. The rift goes too deep. I do not believe Fei should feel such responsibility for Lahan’s demise. The destruction was done by his hands, but not by his will._

_Dazil is a hopeless place, despite the manic fervor with which the excavators pursue their ancient treasures. Many have come to excavate here because they have nowhere else to go. Others are chasing impossible dreams of wealth. Few find much of any interest, and good sites are quickly snatched up by Gebler, Kislev, or Aveh. Yet they persevere._

_Tomorrow I too shall venture out into the desert. With some luck, I will find the parts to repair Weltall, but the greater hope is that I will make contact with Sigurd, who is crucial to my plan, and who I have missed greatly. Rumor has it there is a band of pirates operating out in the dunes. Their ship is described in such a way it cannot be anything other than the Yggdrasil, a treasure of the Fatima dynasty that I had thought lost forever. If Sigurd has indeed found his family, as he vowed to do, he will be on that ship. I hope to see my dear friend again soon._

_Have you arrived yet in Shevat? I hope that Midori is starting to recover from the trauma of seeing Lahan burn, and that the village survivors are as well. I miss you and Midori greatly. After so many years spent together at Lahan, I am unaccustomed to being away from you, and your absence is like a quiet wound, an empty space in my heart._

_Hug Midori tightly for me, and give your father my warmest regards. He will be following me closely, I’m sure, as he has a vested interest in both Fei and myself. Please write back, Yui. I miss you._

_All my love,_

_Citan_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dearest,_

_I have made contact with Sigurd and the heir of Aveh. Sig looks well, happier than I have ever seen him, now that he is reunited with his family. I would very much like you to meet him someday._

_Bartholomew Fatima is no older than Fei, with an impulsiveness that is so unlike Sigurd’s own cautious reserve. They complement each other, as brothers should. I remember so little of my own brothers, but I like to imagine that had they lived to adulthood, we would be as close as Bart and Sigurd._

_I am writing to you from the back pew of the cathedral in Nisan. We rescued the Holy Mother from Shakhan’s grip and have returned her to her people. As I write, she is kneeling alone at the altar, beneath two one-winged angels. Praying for her dead family, perhaps, or for Bart’s success as he tries to retake the throne? I can only guess._

_Now that I know Bartholomew, and what he means to Sigurd, it is harder to view the Fatima family as pragmatically as I should. Aveh, Kislev, the Fatima dynasty, Gebler—they are all chess pieces on a board, and only an objective observer can move them to best advantage._

_I know what you would say to this, love; I can hear your voice, and your father’s as well. You would tell me that this tugging at my heart whenever I see Sigurd laughing with his brother is my humanity, the stirring of my spirit. And I would tell you it is a weakness I can ill afford. If Solaris has taught me anything, it is that not everyone can have a happy ending._

_I think of you and Midori often. Are you glad to be back among your people? Has Midori spoken? Please give her a hug and a kiss from me, and convey to your father my deepest regards._

_With all my love,_

_Citan_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dearest,_

_‘He’ has awakened again, but the destruction is not as severe as I thought it might be, by which I mean that Nortune is still standing and not on fire. We are in the prison block, and they’ve put an explosive collar around Fei’s neck which I have been unable to remove. I have a plan to gain his freedom, but it is precarious at best, and will require much of him._

_Nortune is truly a desolate place. The prisoners wear collars and come to me with dire medical conditions that I can do little about, given the facilities I have to work with and the need to hide my innate healing powers. You would tell me to heal them, I know, and I wish that I could. But I must not draw attention to myself in any way. I do what I can for them._

_There are many demi-humans here. It’s fascinating the way the genome twists and diverges to make such a landscape of different people. I would very much like to ask the current Battling Champion for a tissue sample that I might examine his DNA, but I understand how such a request might seem…odd. Again, I must not draw attention._

_Fei was injured in an explosion while battling, and while he slept, the demon awoke and slaughtered the people who planted the bomb. The blood of the people ‘he’ killed tonight is on my hands. I knew he would awaken, and I knew he would kill, but I also believed that the damage he inflicted would be within acceptable parameters, and so I did not stop him. It is too soon for a confrontation, too soon for Fei to know._

_I am afraid, Yui. Not that this plan will fail, but that it will succeed. If I fail, the suffering of the future is not mine to prevent or control. But if I succeed…the devastation I must inflict along the way will rest solely on my shoulders._

_As soon as Fei wakes, we must find a way to divert suspicion away from him, as he is already the prime suspect in the murders. There is talk of a monster, likely a Wels, living in the sewers below us where the bodies were found. Perhaps it can be of use._

_I do not know if I will send this letter to you. It details too intimately deeds you will find morally questionable, if not outright objectionable. Know that I do this for a reason, that I do it for you and Midori and Shevat. If you love me, trust me._

_All my love,_

_Citan_


End file.
